Happiness is An Autumn Day

I remember as a little girl my favorite feeling in the world. Laying between cool sheets the windows wide open to allow the crisp air in, the sound of lawns being mowed before the winter settles in and  the leaves turn golden. The smell of home cooked meals wafting through the air. I felt like I belonged there, like a small piece of my soul belonged to Autumn days. When I moved to Vegas a piece of my very soul broke off and died. I felt like I was lost, like nothing mattered. Vegas did not have my heart, the only piece of me Vegas had was my family. Even though I grew there, discovered who I was, it would never be a place I called home. Home is not a physical place, in a specific spot. It's a feeling, of belonging, of love, of peace. In the summer of 2014 I made the decision to move to Cody, Wyoming and start a new life. So, I packed my bags and drove on. There I found my heart. My happiness began to return to my heart, I remembered how to truly be happy. Though I miss my family so much, I am so very happy in this place. I get that feeling, like my soul is reconnected with that lost part of me. I can't express how much peace I feel. I've made fantastic friends, have a new ward and work family, a love for a place I never knew existed. I finally feel at home. Today reminded me of this as it felt like a beautiful Autumn day. To me happiness is an Autumn day.

Vegas

I hate this place. I hate being here. Why on earth did my parents move me here? Why havent they kicked me out already? As much as they talk about how much they cant wait to turn my room into their sitting room they havent kicked me out yet. All I feel like I ever hear is how much they dislike the things I do or how I'm never home. Why would want to be somewhere where everybody there brings you down and makes you feel ugly and fat?
Why would anyone want that? Of course I want to leave and if I had the financial stability believe me I'd be gone
Its hurts to know your family cant be trusted. When only your friends are there for you. And sometimes not even that is true, because all they can do is text their ex. I feel so alone and I cant wait to get out of this hell hole.

Questions Unanswered

I have questions
Why cant you answer
Tangled in lost dreams
breaking at the seams

Sometimes I cant breathe
Why cant you see me?
I'm lost alone and gone
I'm disappearing.

I have questions
Why cant you answer
My heart is breaking
My soul is aching.

You Think

When I think really hard about it
I'm in love with you...
Your eyes, your smile, and the way to smell?
I love everything about you.
I love that you love the gospel.
I love your quirky personality.
I love the way you sing.
I love your friends
I love everything.
I love you because you're you.
The only things standing in the way
is you don't love yourself like I do.
You think I could never love you
When the truth is I love you more than you think.
<3

The way I Love You

I love you like a warm summer day

Like rain pouring down from the sky

I love you like a crisp breeze in autumn

Like hot chocolate on a cold day

I love you like a waterfall 

Like butterflies in a field

I love you like a lily in a pond

I love you like fish swim

Like everything thats ever been

The way I love you

Imaginations Run Wild

Got that feeling bubbling inside
My imagination is letting loose
I cant breath my heart is beating
My mind is reeling.
Imaginations run wild
The ground is spinning
The earth is shaking
All reality slips away
My heart is aching
my fingers tremble
Lost in a wonderland of dreams
I'm flying over a dark blue ocean
The suns setting in the distance
Im going towards what I know to be my love
My sight is blinded
I catch a breath.
I fall downwards in a spiral
The cool blue water hits my face
I wake up light breaking through my window
I long for the day he realizes were meant to be
Till then Ill live in reality
but get lost in fantasy.

I try

I try to be optimistic
But sometimes the hatred bubbles inside
Sometimes I cant take it
Sometimes I try so hard
I feel like screaming and tearing it apart
I feel broken and torn in my heart
I cant help but feel my heart aching
Whenever I listen to your hopes for her
I just want you to love me
Like you love her...